Relationships... Why Bother?

So, I haven't written a blog in almost a year now, but I feel like this would be a great creative source to let things go. Let go of a lot of stress and other emotional ties that come with being a young adult actor.

This week is going to be very exciting. We had auditions for the Shoreline Community College spring theater production today. I will be directing one of the pieces, perhaps two, and hopefully acting in one of them.

Sunday I have an audition lined up for an online tv series being shot down in Tacoma. First paying gig I will be auditioning for. Kind of nervous but I think this is the best time to try things, crash and burn.

Some people say acting is easy and that getting up and filming a movie isn't really work. I would beg to differ. Good actors spend so much time and thought building their characters within their mind but this is work that no one notices. But you do notice, you can see that through their performance that they truly have given over everything. Their emotions, their bodies, and their souls. I always wonder if that's why my relationships never work out. I feel as if I may be faking my way through them. Am I acting? Is my life an act? A television show for people to tune into every week? Needless to say, I feel empty without a person to share this journey with me. I feel lost.

I met a girl once. She was a tiny little thing, beautiful in every way. One day our eyes made contact and we shared a smile. That smile. I will never forget. There's something about being in love. Something no one can explain. But you can feel it. And I felt it. Anyway turns out this girl had a boyfriend. I wasn't really surprised, how could she not have a boyfriend? She was cute, sexy, and friendly, to say the least. I thought she had felt it. I thought there was something, some kind of connection. But perhaps we're all actors in life. Faking our way through day to day experiences. Breaking the hearts of others with no knowledge of doing so.